so i've been communicating with a really nice person via the match site. it's eerie how questions i thought about sending, but didn't, were sent for me to answer by him. our preferences, likes, dislikes and beliefs were so in vibe. and even though the communication at this point was going well, i still couldn't help feeling that the other shoe was going to drop any minute.
so we're chugging along with our "stages of communication" and i decide to go ahead and get the BIG question out the way. at least it's a big one for me. i know with the way things are with society now that's having sex outside of marriage really isn't such a big deal. but it's a pretty big deal to me. so i asked this awesome guy how he felt about abstinence and if he felt that it would be a problem for him in a relationship. now i already knew deep down inside what his answer was going to be. but somewhere in the back of my naive little mind i hoped it would be different. sort of hoping against hope.
well, folks, three guesses what the answer was. that's right! that is problem for him. surprise, surprise. now i'm not mad. i'm actually glad that he was honest enough to answer my question. since i was bold enough to ask. i'm not one for surprises so it's better for me to find out now, than be involved and sorely disappointed and heartbroken down the road. the other shoe dropped.
so what am i do to now? well. i don't want to kill a friendship that's barely begun. however, i can't continue on knowing full well that my decision to remain virtuous will be a strain on our relationship. so, if he answers back, i'll have to let him know i stand firm in my decision and if there's no way he can remain celibate, we really won't have a chance. i'll wish him all the best and hope that he finds that special someone he's looking for. unfortunately, it will not be me.
i was chatting with masumi and telling her how i sometimes feel like i'm being punished in some way for my decision. despite all my guy friends telling me that what i'm doing (or not doing) is a wonderful thing. really? then why does crap like this keep happening to me? i meet a really nice person. we hit it off and get along famously until that subject of sex comes up. i share my beliefs and then it's splitsville. i'm not going to back down from my choice. there's really no compromising on this here.
why? because i feel this is what is right for me. my virtue is a gift that i can only give away once and i only plan to share that with my husband. i firmly believe sex between two people is a beautiful experience, but an experience that should only be shared between husband and wife. i believe God wouldn't want it any other way. i make no apologies for that.
i believe i'll be blessed by my obedience to God in that respect. i pray that He'll send someone who'll love me and Him enough to abstain. because i'm doing the same.
be firm in your beliefs. be blessed.
3 comments:
what a wonderful entry. i'm glad you're standing firm in your beliefs, but i wouldn't necessarily look at this whole thing as a negative.
what i mean is this... why not see where it goes? when this man discovers what an awesome person you are, he might realize that you're worth waiting for if he really loves you and cares about you. you never know where you might be in a few months, so i wouldn't toss him out just yet. things that might appear to be a problem for him now, might somehow vanish once a solid foundation for the relationship is built. he might literally "get over it."
besides, if he's on there looking for his "one," then he should be more concerned about every other aspect of the relationship besides just sex. when you're 80, is sex going to matter that much, or is the ability to "talk about anything" going to matter more?
sex causes way too many problems in our society today. i'm not sure how to fix it because as you pointed out, even a lack of it seems to cause a problem in some cases.
i would just say to still give the guy a chance. tell him where you stand, but that you'd still like to make a go of it and see what happens. if i've learned anything at all from my past relationships, it's that being in love is the most wonderful feeling in the world. it makes you feel like you can accomplish anything.
i would never have had some of the greatest times of my life if i had been scared of getting my heart broken. granted, the broken heart sucks, but i'd do it all over again because that's how great love is.
good luck and my fingers are still crossed. :-)
Don't write off Mr. Interesting yet, because, as you know, G-d puts challenges in our paths for us to give us the opportunity to grow and change. Your choice to abstain until marriage presents a challenge to you, certainly. But from his perspective, he's a dude, and here's an interesting woman he's never met asking him not to get it on, and as a dude, his answer would probably be, well, NO. This is in the abstract because he doesn't really know you yet - you've answered questions but you haven't really talked.
Perhaps once he's gotten to know you better, he'll understand the depth and significance of your decision, and he'll feel differently. In the abstract, asking a dude to not have sex? Ha. But maybe under closer circumstances he'd feel differently. Maybe you are one of G-d's instruments calling him to grow and change.
the both of you are right. that's why he's on "hold" and not "closed." he has the option to request that i remove him from that status and continue talks.
after numerous encounters such as this one (online and in person), i'm sort of used to it by now. whatever will be will be and i know i'm worth the wait.
thank you both for your encouraging words. you gals are the bomb!
smooches.
Post a Comment