casting cares

i will readily admit that i am (like most people) a little more into caring about things than i should be. let me clarify, i am way more into worrying about what might or might not happen than i should be. thus, causing me to spend energy dwelling on things or people i can't control. or keeping me from moving forward. as hard as i try to break away, i always revert back to "well, what if?..." and i'm back to what i try not to do.

there's a new (well, new to me) movement or awareness going around about "the secret" i'm sure you've seen the mighty oprah talk about it. basically, it's talking about the laws of attraction. we conscientiously and sub conscientiously attract all the positive and negative things in our life. the idea of this secret is to radically change your way of thinking to unlock the key to happiness, success, love, wealth, health and so on. and it so EASILY corresponds with the Bible's teachings (although the producers make sure this not a religion-specific production). think, visualize, believe, be thankful for what you have now, then release it to the universe. there's a scripture that says "as a man thinketh in his heart, so shall he be" (Proverbs 23:7). and then there's "death and life are in the power of the tongue" (Proverbs 18:21). so if i think and believe in my heart that certain things will come to me and i should speak those things i desire to have in my life, why it is so hard to obtain it? really believe that love, health, wealth should be mine. because i deserve it?

it's because of the that "b" word. BELIEVE. i believe certain things will come to pass. and i do believe that if you start out your day saying it's going to suck, chances are it will. because you're going through with that attitude and mindset to receive the crappy day you've built up in your mind. i've experienced that. which is why i'm getting in the daily habit of be thankful for the new day and believe each day will bring something good. despite that this morning started out really, bumpy i wrote down lyrics to this song and meditated on the word "peace" throughout the day. and then there's this business of casting cares and letting it go.

that is something a borderline control freak like me has a hard time doing. releasing it to the universe or God in this matter. i'm making a conscientious effort to literally let go and let God. there are a couple situations that i'm being tested on in this area. i want this to eventually be an effortless part of my thinking. that entails changing the way i think and act or or react in certain situations. i'm making an effort to cast my cares and it's going to take the help of God and his universe to make it so. that's all He wants so He can take care of the rest. right?

how can i release it? let it stay there once i let it go? how can really cast my cares and let nature and God do the work? i guess things come in time. at one point i didn't really believe that i was a beautiful person physically and characteristically. but now it's hard for me not to look in the mirror and smile saying "you're a very pretty girl and you deserve nothing but the best." i know that sounds vain to some of you, but it's really self-affirmation. it took a long while to get there, but i'm here. but i don't want for it to take as long as it did to realize my self-worth to believe that love, financial freedom and total happiness are coming to me also. so i'm working on believing that those things will come to pass. not because i deserve them (and i believe i do), but because God promised those things to me. and He never goes back on His word. i just have to find a way to let it go. guess that's what i'm doing here....

be willing to let go. be willing to truly BELIEVE. be blessed.

let me sum up

i have not realized how long it's been since the last post. so here's a brief summary of what's happened since last i chimed in:

God speaks
i have been on a fast from t.v. the entire month of january. and let me tell you HOW difficult it was to do that especially since the new season of medium and studio 60 was getting to be so good. but in lieu of watching the boob tube, i was praying, reading/study the Bible or just meditating on God and all His goodness. also seeking what it is i want and finding out what God wanted from me. and after the fast was over, i found myself not really wanting to watch that much tv. during that 30-day refrain, it didn't take long for quite a few challenges in my faith walk and discipline to show me (and others) what i claim i'm made of. it's been an interesting month. and i believe i'm stronger in my faith and some of the principles i hold to than ever. i've learned to let some stuff go and embrace a different viewpoint on things.

"v" for valentine
rather than wallow in self-pity because i am yet again with out a man love for the holiday. i took the day off from work and spent it with my very special man. my three year old nephew. we hung out and had a great time. while out delivering the wee one's valentine to his mommy, i ran into him. you know him. the one who got in his own way in pursuing a relationship with me. at first i really, really, REALLY had no desire to see him. but as we conversed, i started to feel a little confused–wondering if i gave up too soon. at that point, the window of opportunity was not completely shut. he still had a chance to pry it back open. but that feeling quickly dissipated as i watched him get in his own way again. but by the time our conversation was over, the window was shut, locked with no hope of ever being opened again. i realized that i made the right choice to walk away. i'm still a little miffed about the whole thing, but i don't let it get me down. it was a training/learning experience for me. someone better is coming along soon. i can feel it. and besides i'm with the most handsome three year old God ever let draw breath on this planet. and he loves me no matter what. especially if i bribe him with marshmallows.

thirty-four
that's how old my friend was when she peacefully slipped from this world into eternal rest this past tuesday. this news caught me by surprise as i didn't even realize she was so ill. and not too long ago i was saying that i needed to track her down and play catch up. i missed hanging out with this larger than life personality. she was so full of zest and joy, she didn't let things get her down. even when she was going through her own share of trials. this is one of those times where one really starts to wonder why are we really here. and if we are really doing and accomplishing what we were meant to during this brief time on earth. i am so hurt by her passing, but i won't let it end there. i am going to push past my fears and do what it is i'm purposed to do. nothing ventured, nothing gained. life's too short to be living on "what if this happens? what if it doesn't?" my friend was not one to hold back from trying new things. and i can't let her down now. when i see her again in Heaven, i want her to say, "go 'head with the go 'head, girl!" i love you and miss you, girl.

i love you
as i'm typing my baby sister just called to tell me she loves me. there you go. what more can a girl ask for?

be blessed.