drenie on-demand

in case you weren't aware, i'm a designer. a graphic designer, to be more specific. i have the special gift of taking people's ideas, words and pictures and creating a lovely array of layouts. mostly prints. need a poster? no problem. craving a brochure or billboard? i gotcha. fantasizing about a logo that will express your innermost message? bring it on. i have the fun, yet challenging task of "reading" people's thoughts and making their digital dreams a reality. and i'm pretty good at it, too, if i may say so myself. as clients verbalize their "visions," ideas literally dance in my head and i'm sketching while they talk. it's crazy!

so what? what's the big deal? there are thousands of designers out there. so what makes me so special? well, i have the unique ability to turn it around in a fairly quick fashion and not sacrificing quality. my freelance clients and friends love the fact that i can spew out whatever project they've thrown at me with in a matter of days–hours in most cases. and if it's something i can print in-house, rest assure they can have it virtually before the sun goes down.

it's a great gift and i thank God for the talent. but with that gift of speedy return comes some unexpected "side-effects." the clients really expect me to do this all the time with EVERY project. and it's not just clients, it's friends, too. and worst, they sometimes don't think they need to pay. now don't get me wrong, i'd do what i do for free (and sometimes i do) if i could afford to. but recently, it's becoming to be a bit much.

a friend asked me to design something really "quick and simple." she wanted to give the design to someone as a gift. another friend needed a t-shirt designed for his class. a client wanted me to design AND print out a large number of specially designed/personalized invitations with matching rsvp and envelopes. and i really could do it - all of it - in a matter of hours and not even bat an eye.

i have "spoiled" these folks. when i didn't have much going on in my life, i could design at the drop of a dime. it's my own fault with not setting the boundaries before. but the "disease to please" engulfed my life when i first started freelancing and i wanted to do what i could to keep 'em coming. my talents have been like digital cable's on-demand® service.

so what's changed? i didn't have the growing circle of friends i have now. i didn't have the responsibilities and complicated schedule i'm living now. and i didn't have the special friendship i need to pay attention to as i do now. i am now having to turn away "simple" and "quick" jobs and my clients and friends don't understand that i literally can't do this anymore.yes, the designs still dance around in my head, screaming to become real. but i simply don't want to take any more of my "me" time to do it. i'm no longer in the mood to bend over backwards, sacrifice time, talent, patience and sleep to create those last-minute designs.

i'm slowly making the shift from life at the speed of light to the nice stroll i need to take. i couldn't understand why some of my designer friends completely stopped taking on freelance work. and truthfully, i don't think that i'll completely give it up, but i do know that i will not be able to continue at the pace i'm going now. it's so embedded in who i am, that totally shutting it down would be like cutting off my arm. so if i gradually phase out what i'm doing, i'll find there'll be more time to enjoy.

so where does this leave my "o.d." clients and friends? i simply tell them "no." i don't have the time to devote to it, even if it's a quick job. and ESPECIALLY if i'm not getting paid to do it. no way. i've started antibiotics to kill the "please disease." and the road to recovery is looking better all the time.

what will i do with my freetime? design of course LOL but only things that i want to. play with my new friends. work on developing the special friendship into something meaningful. sleep. pray and read my Bible more often. work on my house. work in my yard. or nothing at all. it's time to let some of these things go and stop living so "on-demand" for a while.

be willing to let things go. be blessed.

independence day

today marks a very major milestone in the short history of my six year old nephew's life. he, for the first time in his brief school career, rode the school bus. to and from school. and the idea to do so was of his own volition! this very sweet, shy, adorable little guy doesn't venture too far away from things and people familiar. especially his mommy. but out of the blue he announced to her on the way to school yesterday (up until recently, he was a car rider) that he would like to ride the bus to and from school.

now as you can imagine that this came as a very big shock to his mother. who, by the way, has every picture of every waking moment of her baby's life framed, cataloged and very well documented. she's totally in love with this angel and extremely protective. so you can see how this decree of independence comes with mixed feelings. since she does want him to have more independence as he gets older, she's very proud. but also his riding the school bus now takes away from the time they share, just the two of them, riding to and from school in the mornings and afternoons.

so this morning, nephew laid out his plan of action for mom to follow. he'll get up, brush the teeth, get dressed, comb the hair, eat breakfast, watch a little cartoon network and then have granddaddy walk him to the bus stop just a few houses down. then, when comes home in the afternoon, my sister is to be waiting for him at the bus stop to walk him home. sounds like a well-thought out plan, don't you think? my little organizer! did i mention that his reading level for a kid his age is above average. genius!

so what's the real reason for nephew's sudden desire for transportation freedom. a girl. there's a little girl that lives a few doors down who rides the bus. she's his friend. they play together outside. they're in the same class. and so, to keep his little manhood viable, nephew had decided to ride. and sit next to her of course. ah, watch out sis, there'll be plenty of other women in the future vying to take the attention of sonny-jim's affection.

but now matter how it came. my "boy" has gained his independence today. my heart breaks as with each day he grows more independent.

be independent. be blessed.

the ifs

finally! a call. a good conversation and possibly a time to meet up and talk face to face and really get to know each other. but now, i wonder. after much anticipation, slight anxiety and knotting of the stomach, will the actual meeting even be worth all this? what if he decides that he's really not interested in taking this any further. what if i'm too bubbly or accomplished for him? what if there's absolutely no chemistry at all? what if my mannerisms are mistaken for being uninterested or too eager?

what if we get to "that" place, then i tell him that i want to "WAIT" until marriage. and it becomes a major issue with him? what if i can't really tap into that reservoir of emotions and really be there for him? what he says i'm too young for him? despite the fact that older guys are my kryptonite? what if i don't get along with his family and friends? or he doesn't get along with mine? what if... what if.. what if... WHAT IF!!!!

there are so many questions swirling through my mind. my imagination is running wild. i'm a nervous bundle all inside. and we haven't even had a real first date yet. however, despite all these and thousands more thoughts streaming through my mind, i charge ahead. why? well, because i get the impression that he's got his own list of "what ifs," too. that gives me a little comfort. because we're basically on the same playing field. we're both nervous, anxious and self-conscience.

but then after all is said and done. there's still one big "what if" that makes me nervous as hell (pardon me, no other way to put it). and that is... what if we totally hit if off and there's absolutely no turning back? aye, aye, aye. much prayer...

be blessed.

tick... tock...

what's more nerve-wracking than a single gal patiently waiting for mr. right to come along and find her? ten seconds on the clock, please.... five... four... three... two... one... time's up! the answer is meeting a potential "mistah," then patiently waiting for that second phone call... letting him be a man and take the lead.

i don't do this much. help me out, people. is there really a three-day rule when it comes to phone calls? i'm now exercising my patience. day two is tomorrow...

be patient. be blessed.