the ifs

finally! a call. a good conversation and possibly a time to meet up and talk face to face and really get to know each other. but now, i wonder. after much anticipation, slight anxiety and knotting of the stomach, will the actual meeting even be worth all this? what if he decides that he's really not interested in taking this any further. what if i'm too bubbly or accomplished for him? what if there's absolutely no chemistry at all? what if my mannerisms are mistaken for being uninterested or too eager?

what if we get to "that" place, then i tell him that i want to "WAIT" until marriage. and it becomes a major issue with him? what if i can't really tap into that reservoir of emotions and really be there for him? what he says i'm too young for him? despite the fact that older guys are my kryptonite? what if i don't get along with his family and friends? or he doesn't get along with mine? what if... what if.. what if... WHAT IF!!!!

there are so many questions swirling through my mind. my imagination is running wild. i'm a nervous bundle all inside. and we haven't even had a real first date yet. however, despite all these and thousands more thoughts streaming through my mind, i charge ahead. why? well, because i get the impression that he's got his own list of "what ifs," too. that gives me a little comfort. because we're basically on the same playing field. we're both nervous, anxious and self-conscience.

but then after all is said and done. there's still one big "what if" that makes me nervous as hell (pardon me, no other way to put it). and that is... what if we totally hit if off and there's absolutely no turning back? aye, aye, aye. much prayer...

be blessed.