surreal, so real

this is one of the most awe-striking, breathtaking experiences i've ever had in my life. how is it that you are real? i mean, i believed you were in existence. in fact, i prayed specifically for you. from things in general to things very specific and detailed. sometimes i prayed wondering if God was really listening or laughing at my pleas for you. just when i was about to give up and not think about calling you my own anymore, you showed up. i seriously wasn't expecting you. not after all this time. actually, i pegged you as perhaps just another "pop quiz" or crummy "test." no way in a million years did i expect you'd be my "final exam."

i am amazed by how much we get along, laugh and simply click. for whatever reason and season God allowed you to cross my path, i'm grateful. i'm simply taken aback by how blessed i am just to hear your voice. if i think about it too long, i'll go insane trying to figure it out. it just doesn't seem real. but it is. and the more i learn about you. the more i want to know you. the more we talk and spend time together, the harder it is for me imagine me without you. and the more you continue to be kind, sweet and funny, the harder it is for me to catch myself from falling.

i laugh because my dear friend rw is going through the same experience. i flash back to my telling him to let go and jump. to go ahead and leap off that "cliff" and give into what he's been fighting or afraid to feel for so long. ha! i laugh, because now i'm having to take my own advice. can i do it? am i able to finally let it all go and let you completely in? totally trust that you are a gift from God as result of my prayers? in spite of the crying, the loneliness and sometimes ridicule? can this really be my turn to basque in love's light? with every question i ask myself and God about you, there is an answer. and it's always a little yes. every time you call me, txt me, write me it's "yes."

i will admit that i am afraid. afraid of being hurt. afraid of moving or falling too fast. afraid that you'll change your mind and look elsewhere for your one. but with every tinge of fear i feel, it's counteracted by this deep desire to stick with it and see this to the end. something down inside forces me to move forward, and press through the doubt. and hard as i try to fight, i'm literally rendered unable to leave you now. this is bizarre, strange, wonderful, exciting, surreal, yet so REAL.

right now only select few know about us. and for some reason, God is pressing upon us to keep it that way for a while. and when He gives the "green light" to let me share you with everyone i know, i'll shout it to the world. God, thank you so much for my gift. i am simply speechless about this blessing. thank you!

be patient. be ready when He gives you your heart's desire. be blessed.