you know, sometimes we get so busy with stuff that we truly forget to treasure and appreciate just how nice it is to do nothing. correction, really cherish how important rest is and how more can be accomplished when one just takes a break. at least that's what's happened to me in the past few years.
i'm sitting here thinking how i was running here, there and everywhere in between. i viewed rest as an interruption–not a time to reflect, meditate or recharge. the fear of being called lazy drove me to just go, go, go and not really take care of my body and mind. and even on those nights where i would lay down early, i would rise not rested and actually more tired than the day before. there was not a night where i wasn't in a meeting, exercising, rehearsing in the choir, working on freelance, working on school work, working on my relationships and friendships. no ma'am or sir, you wouldn't find me at home just sitting. i ran and ran until one day i couldn't run any more.
i was tired, but kept trying to press past the fatigue. my mind and body couldn't handle the lack of physical, mental and spiritual refreshing any more. over time, i became irritable, impatient and dissatisfied with where i was in life, in my career and in my spiritual walk. i desperately wanted to be more than what and who i was. i knew there was something better than where i was at the moment and that became my focus. i was unhappy and on some levels, depressed. i started to doubt myself, my talents and my decisions in life. but instead of resting like i needed to so i could reflect, i kept going. because you know, no one ever got anywhere in life by just sitting. eventually, i stopped doing things because nothing was satisfactory. no choir, no school, no freelancing. nothing. it was all too much. i went from 1,000,000 miles a minute to zero.
but God has a way removing things and people so one can focus what really matters. and after all the hustle and bustle came to a screeching halt, God showed me that i needed REST! why? because i was running with no direction. i didn't know why i was doing what i was doing. i had no goals—i was just going through the motions so i could keep up in the race. i had set on a journey to achieve something or a status of sorts, but with no clear vision of whatever it was i'm supposed to be pressing toward. i needed a release. a break. i needed... REST.
i was so worn down and hurt by previous experiences and people. i also hurt myself by not listening to God and my body. i ignored the cries (literal and figurative) of my soul. when hubby and i joined the new church, i was so "tired" i didn't want to do anything. i felt bad. but God was saying to me "I need you to rest. recharge. don't worry, you will get back to things. but you have to be mended and become stronger than you were before. you have to forgive people and yourself. you need to lay down those things that have been holding you back, so you can press toward MY goal and purpose." while i knew it was God talking to me, i hesitated. but when i met with the new members associate pastor, he told me that a lot of people come to our church for healing and restoration. the church is seen as an oasis for people. then i knew it was OK to be "lazy" for a while.
over the past year and a half, i have been just enjoying going to work, coming home, going to exercise occasionally, and doing nothing else! i needed, my mind and body needed, time to heal and be restored. over time, i've learned to forgive people, let things go and not be offended by every little thing that pops up. i learned that i can't control every aspect of my being. i've learned how to lose control and let God work. becoming a mommy has helped me realize that there are more important things in life. i take joy in the simple things again. my confidence in myself and my talents are building back up. i'm learning to only fight when it's necessary, but to still let my voice be heard. and i'm learning to walk with my Lord again.
this past weekend, sir and i went to a cleansing stream seminar and truly learned how to break away from things, people and events that have offended and hurt us. i can tell you that i literally felt like i lost 1,000 lbs when the conference was over. my heart and soul are so light. i took things with me there. and i left it where it belongs—on the altar with God.
i'm still a work in progress. there are some issues i still have to deal with. people i have to forgive or get in touch with. fears to overcome, but the difference is that i remember who i am and to whom i belong. this long rest i have taken allowed me time to recharge. it allowed me time to get back in touch with God. it allowed me time to develop. and for that i'm grateful.
be in tune with yourself. be in tune with your soul and spirit's need for God. be blessed.
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