so called friend

so, i'm having a wonderful conversation with someone i haven't spoken to in a long time. we shared a hallway in an office building about two years ago. i was sharing an office with someone who was starting a business. hall buddy was in a cute little office across the way. we all were very excited about starting businesses and making our own. i particularly was excited because my office buddy was so enthusiastic and i thought i found a colleague who i could trust. not so. things didn't go well and time proved it would be more economical, convenient and wise for me move my office back home. hall buddy thought the same, and moved out about three months before i left.

time passes and we go our separate ways. there's no way to keep track of hall buddy, but i pray for her often and hope she has landed on her feet. out of the blue, hall buddy (hb for the rest of this entry) sends a message to my work e-mail. it seems that she was looking up some info and saw my name on the staff page. how exciting! she is doing well and things are looking up for her.

so we're chatting it up and the talk turns to past dealings of office buddy. turns out office buddy is two-faced and a very good actress. all the time i think we're bonding like sisters, she's talking about me to hb. office buddy and hb go out to lunch one day (i was meeting a with a client) and office buddy start saying ugly things about me. "well, what does she say about me," i ask hb. "i can't remember everything, but they weren't nice things." i think she remembers what was said and is just trying spare my feelings.

i'm shocked and hurt. i genuinely thought she was my friend. despite the fact that she would gossip about other people to me and find creative ways to hide from creditors who call the office. even when she left to be with her husband who was stationed on a tour of duty in another country, i tried to help out where i could to help keep HER business going. this is where the red flag should have gone up. i shouldn't have been suprised, but i was. hb did say that office buddy was saying like i wouldn't do things for her right away when she asked. or i didn't appreciate the fact she still has to work hard even though her military husband brings home the check - there are things she has to take care, too. usually when she asked for something i would try to do what i could, but i was supporting myself and living off unemployment checks and could no longer give ANYONE free design work or printing services because it COST ME!!!! i was sympathetic to a point, but at the end of the day she really had the financial support i didn't.

i cut my rate and gave her breaks when others who paid as late as she did sometimes would have been cut off. i ALWAYS paid my half of the office rent and utilities on time when my own bills would go late. when she went through a bad spell with one her other close friends, i helped her find a way to talk to her again and try to sort things out their fifteen-year long friendship. i am hurt. and i feel like an idiot for trusting someone who so easily turned on me. i know i should shrug it off and chalk it up to experience, but for now i am cut.

the sad part is still i pray that she and her husband are doing okay overseas and that they have a safe return home when their tour of duty is over. that's what makes me angry. this person has hurt me deeply, yet i pray for her health and happiness. i had the icky feeling for a while about her, but chose to ignore it. i thought that this person was tried and true and that i was just being paranoid because i was nervous about starting out on my own.

what's worse is that i don't know how many other people she's told lies to about me. it hurts that while i stick up and try to help this person out, i'm stabbed in the heart. i will get over this and i've learned a valuable lesson from this all. i've learned that "not everyone that smiles in your face is your friend" is a true statement. there are backstabbers out there. i shared an office, my secrets and my hopes with one. at least my real friends will talk about me to my FACE. there are few people who i completely trust without question. i think i'll keep it that way.

be wise. be true to yourself. be blessed.